Random Lil Tingz
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: Just some funny lil tingz i whipped up. It's hilarious and I've made some more! Featuring Kakashi Iruka Kabuto Orochimaru Sasuke Itachi Kisame Shikamaru and more!
1. Random Little Tingz

**Random Little Tingz **

xXx Random Stuff I just made up…Enjoy! xXx

Kabuto's Pleasure:

"AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Kabuto screamed.

"Ugh…AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"Shut up Kabuto!"

"I can't…AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

SLAP

"Ow…"

Orochimaru smirked evilly, as Kabuto clutched his reddening cheek.

"You're much too noisy Kabuto-kun…I won't play with you any more if you don't shut up…"

Kabuto bit his lip and closed his eyes.

"Mm…MMM!…AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"That's it! I'm never playing thumb wars with you ever again!" Orochimaru yelled storming out of the room.

"Aww…No fair…" Kabuto wailed, "…I was just expressing my pleasure."

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Not Chouji's Type:

"No I cant…we can never be…" Chouji sighed, "I'm not into your type…you're thin…healthy…beautiful…I can't…"

Chouji slaps his belly, "No! Don't look at me that way! I can't stand it! You're not right for me…farewell!"

We zoom in on whom Chouji was just talking to…a carrot stick…

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Iruka Sucks:

"Hmm…you feel good…" Kakashi mumbles in his sleep, "Come here baby…so I can…"

"KAKASHI LEGGO!" Iruka shrieks, pushing the slumbering ninja's head off his lap.

"Huh what?" Kakashi mumbles, waking up.

"YOU ARE SICK!"

"But Iruka…I was only…"

"I know what you were dreaming of!"

"No you don't!"

"YES I DO!" Iruka screams, folding his arms.

"What was I dreaming of then, huh?"

"Huh! You were thinking sick little things!"

"That's not me! That's the reader!"

Iruka and Kakashi glare at readers.

"What are you thinking eh?" Kakashi asks cheekily.

Writer gets annoyed and makes Iruka suck on…

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Iruka shrieks slapping writer's hands.

Writer: "Hey!"

Reader: "Aww…sucking on what!"

Kakashi grins, "Yeah…sucking on what?"

Iruka goes red with anger and embarrassment as a sign dashes onto screen.

"IRUKA SUCKS ON A LEMON!"

"Ew that taste bad…" Iruka grumbles spitting out strong sour lemon zest.

"I know what will get rid of that taste…" Kakashi says naughtily.

"KAKASHI YOU SICK BASTARD!" Iruka screams.

"What! It's just a lime!"

Readers sweat drop and walk away quickly.

Writer sighs and gives up, leaving Iruka sucking on lemons, limes and some other weird things…

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Shika's List:

Shikamaru is adding stuff to his "Most Mendokuse" list…

Hmm…girls are troublesome… (Converts to being gay)

So are guys… (Converts…to um…being an alien…)

So…is being a ninja… (He takes off his head protector)

So is wearing clothes…

(He takes off all his clothes…Writer drools and pervs on him…naughty writer…)

Hmm…shogi is troublesome… (burns shogi set)

Peeing is troublesome too…

(ten hours later Shika's bladder explodes…ouch!)

Eating is troublesome…

(Shika stops eating…and copes with violent diarrhoea…ew…)

Blinking is troublesome…

(Shika sticks toothpicks in to hold eyelids open…the result…watery eyeballs)

Hmm…what else is troublesome?

Bathing…no wait Shika sniffs… (He gave that up a week ago…)

Hmm…clipping toenails… (nope…he forgot to do them since 1998…his toenails are almost as long as that guy's in the Guinness world records!)

Ahh…I know…breathing is troublesome…(Shika's face turns pink, then blue, then kinda purple…then white…)

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Writer: Oh no! I killed him! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Writer smashes computer up with Shikamaru's dead body.

BLIP…computer dies…crappy excuse for a fan fiction ends…

Readers scream YAY! And decide to sue poor writer for mentally scarring them…Oh Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Readers sigh and mumble: Fine we'll settle for writing lots of reviews instead…

(hint hint…hint hint)

Orochimaru can be screeching something…sounds like…

"NO KABUTO! I will NOT play BUM WARS either!"

Oh…wait the computer was supposed to be dead…

O.o Arrgh! The computer is ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!

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	2. Some More Random Little Tingz

**Some More Random Little Tingz **

xXx More Random Stuff I just made up…Enjoy! xXx

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Alphabets:

"Asshole!"

"Bastard!"

"Cow shit!"

"Dick head!"

"Hmm…" Iruka scratches his head…" There's no insult for Kakashi beginning with 'E' is there class?"

"Enormous Pervert!"

"Oh yes! That's a good one!" Iruka smiles "Carry on class!"

"Fucker!"

"Gay!"

"Hob Knobs!"

Iruka chuckled, "Yep that ones true!"

"Imbecile!"

"Jackass!"

"K…um…sensei what is there for K?"

"Heh…class…Kakashi will do…now carry on." Iruka mumbled.

"Lecher"

"Mega Moony"

"Nut Head"

"Oily!"

"Oily?" Iruka asked

"Yeah…he must hide an oily face under that mask!"

"Aah…I see…carry on…"

"Perverted Prick!"

"Queer!"

"Rude!"

"Sexy!" Iruka jumped, Kakashi had just entered the classroom.

"Um…um…" Iruka mumbled.

"Oh, don't mind me…carry on class." Kakashi grinned.

"Tit head!"

"Hmm…is THAT what I'm hiding under this mask?" Kakashi asked running his fingers through his hair as Iruka turned pink.

"Undersized!"

"Am I really?" Kakashi turns towards the wall and looks down his pants, "Nope! I'm okay!"

"Vile!"

Kakashi nodded, "Hmm…sometimes…"

"Wanker!"

Kakashi sighed, "I won't deny it!"

"X…um…sensei what begins with X?"

Iruka has turned an embarrassed shade of red, "Um…let's end it for today class!"

The children leave the class giggling and Kakashi goes over to Iruka.

Kakashi leans his face close to Iruka's "Would you like me to tell you my alphabet of your descriptions?…"

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xX A convo between little Sasuke and his bro Xx

Itachi: Roses smell nice.

Sasuke: They have thorns.

Itachi: Chocolate tastes good.

Sasuke: They're coloured like shit.

Itachi: Puppy dogs are cute.

Sasuke: They shit all over the place.

Itachi: I'm a babe magnet.

Sasuke: You're a Kisame magnet too.

Itachi: You're a whiny depressing little Anikey.

Sasuke: I know.

Itachi: Wanna go for ice-cream?

Sasuke: Yay! I want vanilla!

Itachi: No you'll have strawberry.

Sasuke: Why?

Itachi: I dunno

Sasuke: You're paying?

Itachi: Why pay when everything in life is free?

Sasuke: I thought the saying was 'nothing in life is free'?

Itachi: That only applies to people without sharingan.

Sasuke: Okay!

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Get A Hobby:

"Oh no!" Kakashi shrieked.

Iruka jumped, "What!"

"I left my 'Icha Icha Paradise' at your house!"

"So! That's not that important! You didn't have to shit me up about it." Iruka said frowning.

Kakashi sighed, "Now how am I going to entertain myself, when it gets boring?"

Iruka raises an eyebrow, "There is more to life than your perverted little books you know."

"There is?"

"Yeah, you should get a hobby like…origami."

Kakashi scratches his head, "What's that?"

"The art of paper folding."

Kakashi smiled, "You mean where you bend paper and stuff and make pretty little animals?"

"Yep, that's the one."

"Hmm…I'd rather bend you into a pretzel shape, with me twisted in between."

Iruka sweat dropped, "Um…maybe you're not the origami type…um…what about bird watching?"

Kakashi grinned, "I'd rather go dolphin watching."

"Um…Um…Okay what about…" Iruka's eyes widen as Kakashi chuckles in a rather lewd way, "…actually forget the hobbies! Why don't I go and get you that book!"

Kakashi smiles as he watches Iruka run back to his house to retrieve 'Icha Icha Paradise'.

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Kabuto Orochimaru Stuff:

"Oh Orochimaru-sama! It's so warm and wet and Aaaaaah…"

"Well, duh Kabuto, it's a hot bath."

"Will you scrub my back?"

"No."

"Can I scrub yours?"

"No, my tongue can reach that."

"Oh yes Orochimaru-sama, your tongue can reach many places!"

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Kisame's Dreams:

Kisame is fast asleep…lets have a look into his dreams…

Hmm…what? Kisame loves candyfloss? And in his dreams he's gliding around in candyfloss clouds dressed in a fluffy tutu?

What! Kisame has huge eyelashes and a coat of cherry flavoured lip gloss, he's singing Kylie's 'Can't get you out of my head'!

Oh wait…just a minute! That was Itachi's dreams!

Er hem…Now onto KISAME'S DREAMS!…

Hmm…we see Itachi…naked… (ooh! Ogle!) …er hem… Itachi is on a cute little pony, wearing a tiara, holding a pretty wand and riding across the beautiful woods…Aww…how cute!

Up and down and up and down on the pony…ouch that's some serious saddle sores!

Oh wait…Itachi is getting off the pony…he looks angry…he's screaming something about the stupid author writing stupid fan fictions…

ARRGH! RUN! Itachi's got a pointy wand and he's not afraid to use it!

Stop running! Kisame's caught up with Itachi and they're passionately making out…ooh get your cameras out! 'Click' 'click' 'click' 'click'…okay that's enough photos for today.

Oh…erm…Itachi's going up and down and up and down again… Shock! Horror! Gasp! O.o Itachi's got back on his pony with Kisame and now they're coming after me again! Noooooooo!

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Writer smiles…and gives the Reader a look that says, "Review…Review!…REVIEW!"

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	3. Random Lil' Tingz Returnz

**Random Lil' Tingz Returnz!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own!!! T-T**

**AN: I put my random hat back on and magical fairies dancing on Sasuke's lips! Here's a new chap :P**

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"Don't! No! Please Orochimaru!" Kabuto squealed in fear as a shadow loomed over him. "No! I can't stand it, the last time you shoved that in me, the pain was so bad I almost died!"

"Kabuto-kun, stop being such a baby!" Orochimaru berated his little friend, "It'll be all over in a minute, you'll see."

"OH MY GOD! I can feel it going in!" Kabuto sweated profusely, squirming on the bed, "OH GOD OROCHMARU!"

"Shh…Kabuto-kun…imagine something pleasant and you'll soon forget the pain."

"ARGH!!" Kabuto racked his brain furiously, flinching at the pain of that enormous thing entering his body, "I'm imagining…ARRRGH…uh…Us…haviiiiing fuuu-AHHH-uuuuuun…"

"There see…all done." Orochimaru said smiling as he pulled out the vaccine needle.

"Oh thank you Orochimaru-sama…" Kabuto gasped, relieved.

"Now…on with the next art of my experiment." Orochimaru sniggered, bringing out an insanely massive thermometer.

"Uh…Orochimaru-sama…where do you plan on putting that?" Kabuto asked nervously.

Orochimaru grinned, "Roll over and you'll see."

O.o

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Sasuke was ill, he felt absolutely miserable. His nose was runny and his head hurt. He sat in his bed feeling like a poisoned man, waiting to die.

"SASUKE!" He heard a voice shout up to his window.

Sasuke winced, he hadn't gone in to the academy today since he was ill and that oh so familiar voice wasn't something he'd missed.

"SASUKE OPEN THE WINDOW!"

Sasuke pretended he hadn't heard.

"SASUKE YOU TEME! OPEN THE WINDOW! WE DID THE COOLEST THING IN CLASS TODAY!"

"WHAT?!" Sasuke grumbled flinging open his window to see an excitable Naruto standing below.

"Oh Sasuke!" Naruto laughed, "We got to make babies!"

Sasuke blinked and fell backwards onto his bed. Babies??? They'd got to have sex in class?! Sasuke felt sweat drip from his forehead, life was soooo unfair. The one day that he choose to have as a sick day…he'd never had a sick day in his life before…and they let everyone have sex?!

"OI! Sasuke! Where'd you go?!" Naruto shouted impatiently.

Sasuke stumbled back over to the window, feeling grumpy on what he may have missed out, "What is it dobe?!"

"Look." Naruto held up a small bundle of cloth, "Here's mine, I named him after you!"

Sasuke squinted in order to see what the hell he was holding and a sort of relief spread over him as he realised the so-called baby was merely a sock with a face drawn on it.

"Tomorrow, I think we get to make real babies…sensei said this one was just a practise."

Sasuke gasped and fell out of the window…

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"I don't wanna!" Kakashi protested, as Iruka approached him with a menacing grin on his face.

"Kakashi! I don't care if you want it or not…I'll make you want it…" Iruka growled seductively.

"But…I don't have time for this!" Kakashi said nervously, "I'm already like five hours late for my next mission."

"I don't care Kakashi…no ones here but you and me…" Iruka moved right up close to Kakashi, "No one can save you now…"

"…" Iruka grabbed Kakashi's jounin vest and began unbuttoning it, then he tugged it off and flung it to the ground.

"Come on Kakashi…once we get into it…you'll love it. Hey, you might even thank me."

Iruka slid his hands over Kakashi's chest, pulling his sweatshirt over his frowning head.

Naked from the waist up now, Kakashi fell to his knees, "Iruka, please…I don't think the time is right, please don't make me go through with this."

Iruka rolled his eyes and pushed Kakashi over onto his butt, then he flung off Kakashi's shoes, seized his trousers and off that came too. Kakashi shot a pleading look and Iruka relied with a lustful look that told him there was no going back.

"Ack!" Iruka gasped as he managed to render Kakashi completely naked. He held the jonin's boxers in his hand, he'd accidentally sniffed them.

"Told you, you'd regret this."

"Just shut up and take a bath!" Iruka coughed, collecting Kakashi's clothes and making his way towards the washing machine.

"Aww…I don't wanna."

Iruka glared at Kakashi, "It's just a bath!"

"I'm not taking a bath unless you have it with me." Kakashi said, flashing his cutest smile.

Iruka sighed, "Fine…I'll go get the rubber ducky."

Kakashi punched the air, "Yay!"

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"Oh…I don't feel so good Gai sensei." Lee groaned.

"Are you doing it right?" His sensei asked.

Lee closed his eyes, "I'm sure I did oh great knowledgeable sensei…but now my hand hurts so much."

"Did you grasp it in your hand like so?" Gai asked, demonstrating.

Lee nodded.

"And then you slid your hand up and down, faster and faster until you could feel the youthful energy rushing through your veins?"

"Yes Gai sensei…" Lee sighed, "Perhaps I am weak…or just not used to it."

"Well Lee…" Gai pondered quietly, "Mastering the trumpet is quite a difficult one…perhaps you're just more of a flute man…"

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"No one loves me…" Gaara said quietly to himself as he sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking the Village of the Sand.

Stars shot over him like pretty crystals in the sky. Upon the shooting star, Gaara made a wish.

"I wish I had someone that would love me very much." Gaara whispered.

Suddenly a woman fell from heaven and landed with a thud in Gaara's lap. She seemed dazed, but smiled upon seeing Gaara.

"Hi." She said softly.

"H-Hi…" Gaara replied, she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen in his life.

She looked into his eyes lovingly and her hand reached forwards to brush against the tattoo on his forehead, "You know what? I don't know why…but I think I love you."

Gaara smiled, "How much do you love me?"

"I love you more than anything in the world." She replied happily.

"And?"

"And…I would die for you…"

Gaara grinned and his sand slid from his gourd encased the girl's beautiful body affectionately and then crushed her to smithereens. BOOM! A random villager below cursed the sky for its red rain…it must've been the eighth time that week that this had happened.

Gaara cast his eyes to the deep dark sky again, "No one loves me now…I killed her…sob…I wish I had someone to…"

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**O.O Whoa…lol I wonder if any of this randomness was good…or whether just plain scary lol R&R!**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


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